Saturday, March 23, 2013

Claudia

There was a time when I didn't dread the coming of night.  Didn't dread the night life of the city. That was before I met Claudia.  She changed everything for me.
One night around midnight, after having a few drinks at the bar, I stopped in one of my favorite diners for coffee and pancakes. The place wasn't a real looker. It had old neon pepsi and coke signs on the window, yellow and white tiles on the floor and tables that seemed to have time traveled straight from the 70s. Not a beautiful place but it was the smell of breakfast and coffee wafting though the place that was so welcoming and enticing. Reminded me of younger years spent at my grandma's.
There were a couple of other people there sitting alone at their tables, sipping on coffee hunched over their day old newspaper. Insomniacs like me, finding ways to pass the time. I was sitting in a booth facing the door in the furthest corner when she walked in. I heard the bells hanging from the door handle clang together and looked over. She looked so beautiful standing there in a skin tight black dress. I was immediately attracted to her beyond any girl I had ever seen before. We made quick eye contact as she went up to the counter and ordered a coffee and some eggs. I turned my attention back to my coffee and phone.
A few moments passed and as suddenly as she had walked in she sat down in my booth across from me.
"Uhh...hey..." I said surprised.
"You don't mind, do you?" she replied placing her purse on the table. Of course I didn't mind, she was very attractive and smelled amazing. Something about her fragrance made her even that much more beautiful and sexy. I felt intoxicated by her beauty. I had never felt this overwhelmed by someone.
"Do I know you?" I asked. I wouldn't say familiar but something about her felt reminiscent. I wasn't quite sure what it was but I felt some kind of connection.
"I don't think so," she said as she started digging through her purse. She had dark red hair, crimson lipstick on and very pale skin. She had curves in all the right places and I couldn't control how overwhelmingly attracted I was to her.
I looked quickly around at all the other empty booths.
"Don't like the other booths?" I asked.
"Oh, well, I don't like taking a whole booth to myself. Plus I like having company. You don't care right?"
"I guess not," I said as I took another sip of my coffee. "I guess I could use some company too."
"I got some eggs coming, you can have some if you'd like," she said pulling her phone out of her purse.
"Nah, its okay. I got some pancakes coming myself." I grabbed my cup of coffee again and realized I was empty.
"So, what's your name?" she asked as she placed her phone down.
"Jerry," I replied.
"Claudia."
I reached my hand over the table and shook her hand.
"Nice to meet you Claudia. So what brings you out these late hours and to this wonderful diner?"
"Oh, I'm definitely a night owl. I'm always up when the sky is dark. I love the night life and I dunno, sometimes I need to change things up and grab some eggs and coffee to you know, remind myself of the day that I missed."
"I understand that. Sometimes I wake up so late after a heavy night of drinking that I missed the whole day. I've slowly realized my body doesn't recover as quickly as it used to."
"Yes, age is brutal to the body. Can't imagine what that feels like."
"Well, don't worry about it, you're young, beautiful and by the looks of things, very far away from those years."
She smirked, "Yes, very far away. You don't look very old."
"30 and thanks."
The waitress came to the table and placed our plates down. She refilled my coffee and set down some fresh cream packets. That lovely smell of buttermilk pancakes quickly snaked up my nostrils. I briefly remembered my grandma's old kitchen with her homely aroma of coffee and sweet pancake batter on the stove. It was quickly replaced by Claudia's intoxicating fragrance. Her perfume, her scent, was so pleasant it over powered everything we had on the table.
After a few minutes of enjoying my pancakes I noticed she wasn't touching her eggs. She was just gazing down looking into nothing, lost in thought. I continued to eat my pancakes with each bite sobering me up and reminding me of my youth. Then she said, "do you wanna go somewhere with me?"
I looked up from my plate, "where to?" I asked curiously.
"Just somewhere. I got a place in mind, it'll be fun."
At first my instincts were telling me finish your pancakes and head home but I felt so comfortable with her, so lost in her beauty. I didn't want leave her side.
"Sure, why not."
"Lets go now."
"Alright, let me pay and we can head out."
"No, lets just leave right now."
"Okay," I couldn't get myself to challenge her.
We walked out and started heading south down 50th. I wasn't quite sure where she was taking me, there was nothing down that way. Just apartment buildings and old alley ways. But I didn't care, as long as I was with her. She grabbed my hand and we walked a few blocks. We finally turned into an alley.
"This is good," she said.
"Good for what?" I asked.
Then she started kissing me and grabbing me. I lost all control inside the powerful lustful feeling of sex and intimacy. Everything seemed like a blur of ecstasy and arousal. I remember the taste of her tongue and the softness of her lips; the last things I remember. I only vaguely remember anything more after that. I wake up in my bed with a sore neck and ripped clothes. There was crusted dry blood on my forearm but no cuts or wounds on me except for two small scabs on my neck. I tried desperately to remember what happened but could not. I get bits and pieces like pain, warm blood on my face, and glowing eyes.
There was a time I didn't dread the coming of night. A time where the taste and smell of coffee and pancakes took me back to my grandma's old kitchen, took me back to younger years. I miss those days of simple times of taste and smell. Before Claudia. These days all I remember is her intoxicating fragrance and the taste of iron and metal on her tongue. She comes and I dread the night. I no longer live in the daylight.  I have been damned and everything of my past life now gone as a distant memory.  I long for the days of sipping on coffee and enjoying a pancake or two, though those times are all but lost now, for I can't remember the smell or taste of pancakes and coffee anymore.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Looking for Friends

Before last week I never had the desire to share this with anyone perhaps because I know what it means if I do.  So much of my life has fallen apart that I have backed myself into a corner and feel this is the best outlet for me.  I'm sorry, I truly am but with the years has come an overbearing pressure to share this maybe so I can give myself some closure.

I'll start from the first one I can remember.  It was back in '01 or '02.  The online chat rooms were all the rage and I was a bit of a loner, still am maybe that's why I got sucked into that whole chat room life so much.  Talking to real people even if it was online was exciting.  They were still strangers but still real.  It was enough of an escape for me.

I got close with another chat room user.  Didn't know where he lived or ever heard his voice for that matter but he was a real friend.  His username was ab107 and we used to host chat room invites for whoever wanted to join us and sometimes we would just chat us two.  It was fun.

Then one night we were in an open chat room for anyone to join and we had been chatting for about an hour.  We didn't think anyone was gonna join since it was so late, about one or two in the morning.  Then someone logged in.  The username was lurker20.  We tried chatting with him saying hi and asking the a/s/l everyone always asked back then.  He didn't say anything.  There were just three names logged in, ab107, me (hatman1) and lurker20.  He said nothing and we even forgot he was in there when he finally said something.

lurker20: new friends...this is fun.
ab107:alright man, dang, almost forgot you were still with us.
hatman1: yeah, where ya from lurker?
lurker20: ...the U.S.
ab107: thats cool.  I'm from california.  That's in the U.S. too.
hatman1: oregon here, also U.S.
ab107: so what are you into lurker? any favorite movies?
lurker20: horror movies
hatman1: oh yeah, a horror lover.  I love me some horror as well.  favorite two have got to be the exorcist and the shining.  How bout you?
lurker20: Rear Window
ab107: ah, a hitchcock fan. awesome.  that one is a classic.  That helpless feeling of not being able to do anything.
hatman1: oh, I love the part where the guy in the wheelchair is looking over at the other guy and the guy looks straight back at him.  Damn, gives me chills just thinking about it.
lurker20: I've been watching you
hatman1: huh? watching who?
lurker20: you keep your curtains open too wide
hatman1: yeah, real creepy man.  oh no, another stalker.  my curtains are closed man.
ab107: I'm shaking in my boots dude, you're real scary
hatman1: can you see my ass? booyah, in yo face. watch that.  Its whiter than milk.
lurker20: no, Im not watching you but I can see the back of Allen's head

I got chills for ab107 because that was his real name.  How did this guy know him?  I thought maybe they knew each other.
ab107: what? whoa dude, okay do I know you? is this ryan from biology, you douchebag
lurker20: this is not ryan.  you will find out soon enough
      lurker20 has left chat
ab107: okay, I gotta admit.  the guy succeeded in giving me the creeps a bit, lol.  dammit, im too sensitive, haha.
hatman1: you probably know him or its that other douche that likes to chat as late as us.  turtle20.  Has the same number.
ab107: yeah dude, im not sweating it.  however, i did close my curtains just now haha.
hatman1: so your curtains were open?
ab107: yeah, which is what gave me the creeps.
     lurker20 has joined chat
hatman1: hey! he's back.
lurker20: why did you close your curtains?
ab107: how did you know I closed my curtains?
lurker20: I told you I'm watching you allen
hatman1: its one of your neighbors man.
lurker20: Im not a neighbor brian but Im near.

That freaked me out.  How the hell did this guy know both our names? I was starting to feel a little suffocated with anxiety.  I kinda just wanted to log off now.
hatman1: how do you know my name?
ab107: yeah, whats going on? who are you? are you in some house? describe what house you're in?
lurker20: Im not in your neighbors house.  Dont worry allen I'll be visiting you soon enough.  keep your curtains closed, its safer.
     lurker20 has left chat
hatman1: whoa man, that was some creepy ass shit
ab107: yeah no kidding.  should I call the cops?
hatman1: I dunno man.  do you think its for real?
ab107: I dunno dude.  but I'm a little freaked out.
hatman1: go tell your parents
ab107: yeah right, they already hate that I chat so much, they would kill me if they knew I was on this late.  Plus, they're always telling me how Im gonna talk to a murderer.  Nah, cant tell 'em.
hatman1: well, im freaked out too.  i kinda just wanna log off now and call it a night.
ab107: alright dude, I'll chat with ya tomorrow.

I never heard from him after that but that wasn't the last time I came across lurker20.

A year later, something similar happened on a message board, its now defunct but it was a group of bloggers that started it up.  It had maybe twenty members.  I became friends with fly on the wall.  She had a blog of satire and humor.

Someone had posted a question on the forums asking what were our favorite horror movies.  And that's where I saw it, a post by lurker20 saying that Rear Window was his favorite horror movie.  I felt an eerie chill crawl up my spine.  There was no way this could be the same guy.  I had to make sure so I messaged him.

hatman84: Hey man, how you doin'? Welcome to the board, where ya from?
lurker20: the U.S.
hatman84: Where in the U.S.?
lurker20: next door, next window, other room, everywhere doesnt matter
hatman84: haha, okay, fair enough. You love Rear Window? You a hitchcock fan?
lurker20: are you trying to figure out if I'm watching you brian?

I got a cold chill.  How did he know my name?  I couldn't let him know that he knew my name correctly.
hatman84: ???that's not even my name?
lurker20: sure it isn't, how come then I know you're from oregon and you still live with your mom.
hatman84: lucky guess man
lurker20: don't worry brian, im not watching you but fly on the wall seems to keep her curtains open too wide.
hatman84: huh? you know her? you dont know where she is creep

I was starting to get that aching feeling of fear in my bones again.  Like I did with ab107.  I felt helpless.  How did this guy so much?  How did he know how to get under my skin? How?
lurker20: sure i do, maybe im in her other room or maybe im just watching her.  melissa will find out soon enough
hatman84: what do you want? this isn't funny man, do i know you? are you someone i know from sometime in the past?
lurker20: everyone knows me brian
hatman84: you arent gonna do anything, you're a fake
lurker20: just like ab107

I knew this wasn't a fake.  It was the same guy.  What happened to ab?  Who was this guy? Whoever he was I was starting to fear him.
hatman84: how do you know...who are you? is this ab? are you fucking with me?
lurker20: allen is with me now brian.  he watches in the darkness now as well.
hatman84: what did you do to him?
lurker20: brian, i dont discuss such things
hatman84: what do you want?
lurker20: nothing brian, ill be around, like a fly on the wall.

I got a hold of fly on the wall. I emailed her just asking her that there was some guy that creeped me out and that maybe someone was trying to mess with her too just to watch out.  I didn't want to freak her out more than I had to.  I didn't mention anything about my crazy thoughts about this guy and what could of happened to ab107.  She got back to me telling me she was fine and that she would be on the look out.  She tried to reassure me. She was so sweet.

Then a week later her blog was down, she had removed herself from the forums and she never replied to any of my emails anymore.  I started to get worried but there was nothing I could do.  All I had was her email address and a blog that was no longer online.  This couldn't happen all over again.  I was freaking out.

About a month passes and I get a call in the middle of the night maybe around 3 in the morning.  The number didn't look real, it was all zeroes.  000-000-0000.  I've seen that before, usually fake bank messages and such.  I just hit ignore.  But in the morning there was a message.  I checked it.

"Hello?" someone said in a very low whisper.  "I don't know where I am," they said. I could tell it was a female voice.  "Its dark.  I can hear screams.  I need to go home."  Then it went silent for a few seconds then a loud thud hit the phone and heavy breathing followed.  Then out of nowhere the speaker filled with thousands of screams of agony and pain.  I dropped the phone.  What was going on?

My life pretty much went to shit after that.  My mom died, she left the house and the mortgage to me.  I lost my job.  Weird things began to happen to me.  Random occurrences, like car accidents happening in front of me and small convenience stores getting robbed while I'm in them.  I remember seeing a coyote tearing open a cat in the alley as I was walking home in the night.

A few years later I was on YouTube watching videos.  the site was still very young.  It was late, after midnight.  I was sitting in the dark because I had forgotten the sun had gone down hours before.  It was just me sitting in front of a computer screen in the dark watching videos.

I had crept into what felt like the corners of youtube.  The lonely videos that have 5 or 6 views.  The random things that people never find.  Then I found a video that showed the corner of a basement.  It was just unmoving for the the first 5 seconds.  I was about to give up on it but then someone walked into frame.  They had a black ski mask on with a sign that read "Hi" I continued to watch and they disappeared off screen again and came back with another sign that read "are you sitting alone in the dark?" I got some chills in my back on that one.  I looked around my room and realized how dark it had become but immediately turned my attention back to the video.  Then the guy took off the ski mask and I couldn't tell if he was wearing a halloween mask but his face was horribly disfigured with one eye bulbous and sticking out from its socket slightly.  Like a fish eye.  The video was grainy enough that I couldn't tell if it was real or not but it creeped me out.  His next sign however scared me.  He went off screen and came back with a sign that said "are you watching me now brian?"  Then the video ended.  I was scared shitless after that one.  I closed the browser and turned off my computer and went to bed but I couldn't go to sleep.

I tried to find that video the next day, but could not find it.  Went through my history but nothing was there.  I know it wasn't a dream.  I stayed awake almost the rest of the night.  I was definitely awake but I just can't explain it.

Then some time passes and I get an email that was sent from my own email.  It read:

"Hi Brian,
How have you been?  Still living in the U.S.?  Hows mommy?  I hope you don't mind but I'm using your email to find some of your friends.  I think they like me.  Thanks for letting me find them.  I like your internet friends, they're all I've ever wanted.  I'm always watching brian, you know that right.  In the thickest of black nights when you think you are alone and darkness has swallowed you leaving just a monitor and a set of eyes, I'm watching.  I'll be sitting in the room with them too brian.  Always right behind because Im always where their eyes never see.  But with you and I its different isnt it, you've seen me.  Does mommy know? Oh thats right, she's dead. You're grew up and mommy still wanted you at home.  Because she knew brian.  She knew.  I'll be making some visits.  Thanks for the new friends.  I love how you message and comment on things, always brings me new friends."

I don't quite understand but I'm here now typing this.  Hoping he finds new friends.  My mom has died with whatever secret she had to say.  The house is mine but I hear footsteps and horrible moans of pain in the night.  There always seems to be someone watching me.  I hear small tapping on the walls and whispers in the corner of my bedroom.  Its all too much.  Oh, how I wish the sounds would go away. He lurks where you don't see him.  Always watching.  Make sure your curtains are closed and your lights are off.   I'm sorry.  I truly am.