He Has Only Begun

The streets were cold and there was a moisture in the air.  I yanked up my collar as I walked the frigid night. I could swear someone was following me.  I pulled out a cigarette from the pack I kept in my inside coat pocket and lit it while blocking the air with my hands.  I was trying to quit but tonight I really needed one.  My nerves weren't as steady as they normally were and my chest was aching.  I was working the Livingston case when this happened.  I was shaking and it wasn't from the cold either but from the fear in my bones.  All the cases I've worked have had horrific details and awful people in them but this one had me frightened.  I don't know why this was happening but I needed answers.  Uncontrollable doubt and dread had grown into my consciousness. I needed to visit her, I needed to find out more things. I headed to the hospital.

I dragged a final puff from my cig and threw it on the ground before stepping on it.  I flashed the nurse my badge and walked to Susan's room.  She was laying in bed staring at the ceiling when I walked in.

"Hello Detective," she said without turning her head.
"Hi Susan.  How are you doing?"
"Probably better than yesterday but I don't feel it. How can I help you?"
"Well Susan, I was hoping you were able to remember anything new from your ordeal, any new details or memories?" I asked as I pulled out my old leather notepad I kept in my back pocket.
"Laying here has left me with nothing to do but think and my memory for some reason or another doesn't feel like cooperating with me.  Perhaps its protecting me from the horrific details that will probably haunt me to the day that I die Detective.  Maybe I don't want to remember."
"I understand Susan but if you could..." I stopped as she slowly turned her head toward me and leaned over.
"You've seen him haven't you?"
I nervously swallowed and asked, "Who Susan?  Do you remember?"
"Detective, I have only bits and pieces," she said as she leaned back into her bed.  "Fragments of memories. They come and go as I lay here in obscurity."
"Anything would help."
"Okay Detective.  I'll try."  She looked down at her hands as her eyes drifted out.  "I remember thinking I couldn't believe where I was.  I remember asking myself why me, why me over and over.  I couldn't understand how something like this could happen to me."  I looked up from my notepad to her hands and they were quivering softly as she clutched the bed sheets.
"I remember the room was really cold and dank and there were puddles of water in the corners and mold growing down the concrete walls.  It looked like a basement Detective but it didn't feel like a room."
"What do you mean Susan?" I asked as I wrote down notes.
"You know when you're outside, you feel the open space and when you're inside you feel the closed off nature of a room right.  Well...this room...it didn't feel quite like a room.  It looked like a room but it felt like I was outside. There was a huge ominous feeling of something else in there."
"Was there someone else?"
"I'm not sure Detective."
"Were you tied up?"
"No, but I knew I couldn't escape," she began streaming small tears down her cheeks as she tried to swallow the knot in her throat.  "There was no escape, he and I both knew it."
"Can you remember his face?"
"I can't.  I couldn't see anything.  I mean his face, there wasn't anything there.  It was like he was wearing a mask made of shadows because his face was just empty.  Just black and void...hidden.  I couldn't see anything other than his eyes."  A cold shiver of fear rolled up my spine at that thought.  I knew what she was talking about.  Her face suddenly stared off into the corner of the room.

She clutched the sheets harder in her fists and continued as if talking to the corner, "I...I think.  I may have been...I dunno Detective.  His eyes couldn't have been real.  It all didn't seem real.  It still doesn't.  He wasn't normal I know it and his eyes were a horrible blood red, the whole eyeball.  There was no pupil, no iris, nothing just red and they were glowing too.  I remember there was light from a small lamp in the opposite corner of where I was balled up and from the red glow of his eyes.  They looked like billiard balls that bulged out of his head and his voice...it didn't sound quite...human."  She closed her eyes and began crying.
"Its okay Susan, you're safe now."
She  looked at me with red weaving lines in her eyes, bulged and unblinking and said as tears rolled out, "its not okay Detective.  It will never be okay.  He made sure of that."
I felt the fear of that statement in my bones.  I was afraid that she may be right.  She had been there and the look of horror in her face told another story of pain and fear beyond the realm of my understanding.  I feared that she was right and that I would come to understand. "I'm sorry Susan.  You're safe now."
"Am I Detective?  Can you protect me from my own mind?"
I was at a loss for words. In my eight years of working cases I had never been at a loss for words but I was afraid of the same thing she was.  I tried to hide my fear by asking more questions.
"Do you remember where we found you Susan?"
She blinked her eyes a few times as if coming out of her horror trance and said, "No," as she sniffled her nose.  "I know what you guys told me.  That I was wandering naked up Alcorn street with symbols cut all over my body."
"Yes, do you remember how you got there?"
"I don't Detective."
"We found you only a mile away from your house."
"I know where I live."
"And as you're aware we searched your home Susan.  We looked through your house and in your basement found your blood puddled in the corners.  You had quite the mold spores growing on your walls as well."
"I live alone Detective.  I don't have a husband and barely have time to clean my home.  Things tend to get a little messy."
"I understand Susan.  Its just that my point is, perhaps, he had you in your own basement.  It does fit your description.  Do you think that may be a possibility?"
Her eyes widened and darted left to right as if remembering something.
"Susan? Are you feeling okay?"
"I do remember being in the bathroom before it happened and looking in the mirror and seeing him stand behind me.  Even in the light his face was blacked out and void with only his eyes bulging out from his head. I had never felt more terrified in my life."
"So he was in your home."
"Yes, he had been there all along."
"So he took you down to your basement and that's where he tortured you and cut those symbols into your body."
She had begun to quiver erratically with fear.  I could tell because I was fighting off the same urge in my own body.  I couldn't stop asking question though, I was finally getting somewhere with her.  I needed to find out more. I needed to know if he was real.
"No, Detective.  He may have tortured me and perhaps still is but he never cut those symbols into my body."
I looked at her strange as fear slowly grew over my face.
"He's visited you hasn't he?" she asked me looking off into the corner.  "I know he has, I could tell from the moment you walked in here tonight.  He's been watching you.  I can't see him but I feel his presence sometimes Detective."  She pressed her fingers into her forearm trying to stop it from shaking.  "I don't know why this happened to me and perhaps never will but I do know that it was unavoidable."
"Susan, please. Tell me where I can find him.  I need to know that he's real. I need to know why..." she interrupted as she looked at me in pity and placed her hand upon my cheek.
"Oh Detective.  It doesn't matter does it.  He's already chosen you."
"Susan.  I need to know why I cut these symbols into myself?" I lifted my shirt revealing bloody bandages taped onto my chest.  I lifted one showing her the same symbols she had made on her body.
"Detective, I still can't remember everything of what happened to me or answer many questions but one thing he made sure I remembered and probably will all the way to my grave and right into Hell."
"What Susan, what, tell me."
"That I did all this.  I made all these cuts to myself. I sliced my flesh in my basement as he looked on. I'm sorry Detective but he has only begun with you."

Just Follow Me

It took some convincing but I finally got Colin to come with us.  He had moved here a year ago from the city. He was a thin geeky looking kid with glasses and pale skin.  I could tell he had a crush on me.  So it didn't take much once I started flirting with him to get him to come out with us. I told him how cute I thought he was and showed off my cleavage of course.  I knew he was a virgin, probably the only one left in the whole school, you could just tell.  I graduated a year before him, this was going to be his senior year.
"So where we going Megan?"
"Out passed the sticks, there's a place we all meet up,  over by the river in the woods."
Drew was driving, he looked into the back seat where Colin and I were sitting as I moved my hand over Colin's leg.
"Yeah, we wont' get bothered out there, its pretty secluded," he said.
"Don't sweat it Colin, it'll be fun," I said trying to calm his nerves but I didn't actually care.
"I'm not, just curious, maybe I'll bring some friends next time."
"That would be great," I said as I pressed down on his leg. I could feel him fidget in his seat with nervous anxiety, I giggled at the thought that he'd probably never had a girl touch him anywhere. "Just make sure I come with."
"Yeah definitely."
"Hey Colin," Drew said making a turn onto the old dirt road that led to 'the spot' as we called it.  "You ever see a ghost?"
"Um, I don't think so," he said pushing his glasses up his nose with two fingers.  He did have all the cute nerdy qualities.
"I have, did you know that?"
"No I didn't....uhh, when did you see one?"
"It was a while back.  Do you believe in ghosts?"
"Umm, not really.  They're just kinda umm...weird, you know. Hard to quantify."
"Yeah...I get ya, they are...hard to quantify and weird too Colin, like you said, especially when you see one and they look right back at you with their hollow lifeless eyes that are so full of pain. It can be creepy."
"Sounds like you've stared at one up close Drew. My mom believes in ghosts, but she's superstitious like that."
"Oh, there isn't anything superstitious about ghosts Colin.  They're real."
Colin laughed nervously.  I could tell Drew was making him uncomfortable. So I slid my hand under his and interlocked our fingers.  He looked down at our hands nervously as I leaned in to him pressing my breasts against his shoulder and pushed my lips against his.  He awkwardly kissed back with his eyes closed. I indulged him for a few moments and then leaned back in to my seat and asked, "Do you believe in Demons Colin?"
"Demons?" he asked as he opened his eyes.  I could see behind those large framed glasses he had enjoyed that kiss.
"Yeah, you know Demons, those things that live in Hell and lurk in every shadow waiting to devour your soul because of all your sins. You know, Demons."
"I'm not very religious."
"Religion has got nothing to do with it Colin," I said adjusting my bra and noticed Colin trying not to look.
"Well, I don't though."
"Oh but never say never Colin."
Drew made another turn into a field with no road just car tracks from previous visits.
"This place is really far out isn't it, are we almost there?" Colin asked.
I moved my other hand on top of his and lightly patted it, "be patient Colin, we'll get there."
"So who's all gonna be there?"
"Oh just some of the guys, a few girls, some people from town," Drew said from the front seat.
"Oh cool, anyone I know?"
"Probably not Colin, you aren't the most popular guy, know what mean, haha" Drew said as he softly chuckled to himself.
"Don't worry, you've got me," I told him as I slowly slid my hand toward his crotch.  He sat up straight as soon as I brushed against it.  I leaned in to his ear and whispered, "calm down Colin, this is just foreplay," and kissed his ear lobe. It was easy to see he was really nervous and I found it enjoyable to play with his anxiety.
"We're here," Drew finally said.
You could see the bonfires from the car as we parked behind two trucks and a van. We all got out and made our way in between the tightly parked cars.
"Stop the presses bitches, we are here, we are here!" Drew announced.
"Finally!" Todd said as he came up to us and shook Drew's hand in their fancy male way.  "Who's the geek?" he said.
"That's Colin.  He's the one we got."
"Oh shit, he's the one.  Damn, and here I thought there weren't any left at school. I thought we were gonna have to start getting middle schoolers," he said as he came up to Colin and I.  "Can you believe that huh Megan? Fuckin' middle schoolers.  What are we, savages like those pansies over on the east side?  Fuck that, I knew we could count on you and those beautiful tits of yours Megan."
"That's what I'm here for," I said as I released my hand from Colin's and walked toward the fire.  He timidly followed me.  I grabbed a beer.
"Hey, umm, kid, hey, over here," Kevin said calling out to Colin.
"Um, me?" Colin said pointing at himself.
"Yeah, you, come over here."
Colin nervously walked over to Kevin, "what's your name kid?" Kevin was one of the older guys from town.  He always wore his black bandanna and leather jacket.
"Colin"
"How old are you kid?"
"Umm, I'll be eighteen in three weeks, on the 14th."
Kevin stayed silent for a few uncomfortable moments staring at Colin, "is that what I asked?"
"Huh?"
"I said, is that what I asked you deaf motherfucker."
"Umm, no, no its not sir."
"Then, why the fuck did you tell me what age you ARE going to be?"
Colin's face started sweating and his voice got shaky, "I dunno sir."
"Stop calling me sir you delinquent little piece of shit. Who the fuck do you think you are huh? You know the last person to call me sir was a preppy college fuck and I beat the shit out his fucking stupid sir calling ass."
"I'm...I'm sorry mister."
"Holy shit!! That's even fuckin' worse! What the fuck is wrong with you kid? Do you want me to beat the living shit out of you? Say sir or mister again.  Say it again, I fucking dare you!"
Colin looked over in my direction but I just stood there watching as he continued to fidget and sweat. I just sipped on my beer as Kevin's voice continued to get louder.
"Don't look at her, look at me motherfucker and answer my question.  Do you want me to beat the living shit out of you?"
Colin's face was beading sweat as he desperately tried to let out his next words, "n...n...no....I don't.  I'm sorry.  I don't know what to say, I didn't mean to offend you."
Kevin then burst out in a heap of laughter, "I'm just fuckin' with ya kid.  Haha.  Stop being so uptight, loosen up.  I got some coke if you want some, it'll loosen you up."
He pulled out a small bag of white powder and Colin looked at it nervously knowing that he wasn't supposed to be around stuff like that, probably because his parents told him so. It was so obvious that Colin was out of his element so I walked over to him to save him from Kevin's banter.
"Kevin, don't waste your shit.  Colin, come with me," I finally said as I grabbed his hand and walked toward the fire.
We mingled with some of the people and sat down on the hood of a car in front of the bonfire.  I kissed Colin again, I couldn't help myself, I had been waiting for this night for a long time and I just wanted a taste of what was in store for later.  Then Todd began speaking.
"Ok, since now that we have everyone, lets get this shit started, shall we." Todd said getting everyone's attention. We stood up and got closer.
"Its been six months since our last meeting and we only had five days left to make this happen but Megan came through for us and brought...umm, Colin here to us," he said over the silent mob of people with the fire burning in the background. "Before we start with the festivities, bring me the rites of Devoveo and Sacrificum."
Colin looked on curiously and I could tell he was wondering why Todd brought him up in his speech.  I was too excited to care because it had been six months since our last and the anticipation was building for me.
"Ah, here we are.  Thank you Peter.  Lets begin," he said clearing his throat. "Tonight, the night for our father, the bringer of death, thou who hides in shadow and bathes in the pains of man, do ut des, we give so that you may give, we bring to you what thou seeks.  I call upon thee so that we may have our life's pleasures.  Find our offering fit for your needs and may he burn in hell to your satisfaction."  He lifted his left arm toward the sky and with his right pointed to Colin and said, "take him."
Three men, Luke, Dan, and Charles whom had moved up behind Colin all grabbed and lifted him.
"Hey, what are you doing? What the hell guys?  What's going on?" he said with his anxiety laced words.  They carried him over to a thin log that was laying on the ground.  The hole had been dug already earlier in the night as they waited for us to arrive.
"Tie him up," Todd commanded from the other side of the fire.  I looked on smiling in excited anticipation like a child would when waiting for their parents to finally give them permission to open their christmas presents.
"Hey! Put me down! Stop! Don't! Help, someone help! What are you doing?" Colin shouted with tears falling from his eyes.  He had soiled himself too.
"Let me go! Stop! Let me go!" he continued but no one was going to stop this. No one was here to help to him, no one was going to give up what was about to be given.  We had all waited for six months. We had all waited for our gift of expanded pleasures.
"Now then," Todd said, "put the post in the hole and move the timber toward him.  Oh father, we give you what thy commands and give so that you may give.  May he burn in hell to your satisfaction."  We all then bent our heads down in silence as Luke, Dan and Charles finished the necessary preparations.  Once finished they waited for the command to finish the rite.  I looked up and saw Colin crying as he desperately cried for my help but I just looked on.  I wouldn't help, I wanted this.  I had waited six months.
"Burn him!" Todd finally said and we all erupted into cheers as they lit the fire.  Colin screamed out in agony as the flames began to lick at his legs and sear off his flesh. I could feel our father had listened and a flush of euphoria and sin rushed through me and I could feel the pleasures of Hell.  Colin looked through the flames at me screaming in agony. His flesh burning black and melting. And with him watching I grabbed the nearest guy and removed my clothing and began having sex.  The pathetic screams from Colin made the ecstasy of my orgasms that much more enjoyable. He had listened. Our Lord had listened.

The Awful Old Man

I didn't know what to do. I was scared.  I was having trouble controlling my own thoughts, my mind was leaping from one random thought to another and I couldn't think straight. So I called a close friend Pete to meet me at the Blue Square downtown, it was a small bar where we could talk and I needed someone to talk to right then.  When I got there he was already waiting for me with a drink in his hand.
"I'm sorry I'm late Pete but I'm barely holding it together right now."
"What's wrong, what's going on?"
I ordered a double shot of whiskey before I started with Pete. "I was with Gibson a few nights ago and something happened.  I'm not even quite sure what happened to Gibson so I made up some story for the cops because I knew they wouldn't believe me."
"Why were you talking to the cops, did Gibson get pinched?"  I took a moment to look around the bar to see if anyone was listening in, then I rubbed my eyes. "Come on, what happened with Gibson?"
The bartender brought me my double shot, "open tab buddy.  Well..." I gulped the double before I continued and let out a deep breath of warm air, "see, I was at the bar, you know the one over on the east side, umm, the drunken squirrel, yeah, just drinking some beers when Gibson came in.  He didn't realize I was going to be in there and looked surprised to see me.  I said hey and all that and we started talking.  He started telling me about some job he was thinking about doing up north and was looking for someone to be his lookout. Anyway, I asked him about the details and he told me he had scouted out some agoraphobic old man that was rich but never left his house.  It didn't matter though because he could go in with a mask, tie the guy up and get into his safe and other things he had, apparently the guy was loaded.  He already knew the combination to the safe as he had been scouting out the guy for weeks. It was a quick in and out job and he needed a lookout, that's where I came in.  I needed the money and he would give me a 20 percent cut just to be the watch guy.  So I said yeah."

I reached for my wallet, making sure I had enough cash to pay for more drinks.
"Anyway, we get to talking more about the details and I tell him I'm curious to see the place and he invites me to go see it.  Oh, bartender, another double and a pint of Blue Moon, thanks.  So we go over to the old man's place right and his house looked chock full of prime loot as Gibson so put it.  I mean he had fancy fur rugs, jewelry that would go for a good price and from what Gibson showed me a safe that seemed pretty well hidden.  He didn't know what was in there but if this guy's house was any indication, he had something valuable in there.  Then we watched the old man wander in and out of his rooms for a few minutes.  We were on an overlook that peeked over this guy's barred fence, you know, the ones that have high black prison like bars so you could see through to the other side.  We were using Gibson's binoculars to watch this guy and I mean this old man was frail, I didn't like the idea of tying him up but Gibson wouldn't change his mind about it even if I had said something.  It was weird though Pete, I watched as this old guy talked to some jars, four of them that had some yellow liquid and some weird meat looking things floating in them.  He would talk to them as if they were his own children. Pointing at them and even looked like he was scolding them, you know, like a parent would."
"Hmph, that's some really weird shit Frank and then what?"
" Yeah it was Pete. Anyway, so we go back to Gibson's place and got high and decided the next night we would do the job."

The bartender set down my double and a cold pint of Blue Moon with an orange wedge.  I grabbed it and squeezed it into my beer and dropped it in. "Thanks buddy, anyway, I go home and get some things ready and we go out around midnight to this old man's house right.  We find where the old man is in the house and Gibson gets out of the car and I wait for him parked on the side of the fence under some tree.   I could see him with my binoculars and watched him as he climbed through one of the windows.  He made his way through the house but then I couldn't find the old man.  I could see Gibson rummaging through some stuff and making his way to the room with the safe but the old guy was nowhere to be seen.  The curtains were closed in that room too with the safe so I couldn't see Gibson once he got in there.  A few minutes go by and I don't see Gibson, I'm figuring he's having more trouble with the safe than he expected and then I hear a fucking loud scream, like someone was being murdered Pete.  I freaked for a moment and the first thing that went into my mind was that Gibson had killed the old man.  Murder is not something I want to be involved with, you know, that's not our business. So I figured something went fucking wrong.  That's what I thought.  I'm not even sure what to think now, Pete.  It should have been an easy job but some shit went wrong and I'm not even sure what. So now I'm worried Pete because I've never done anything like that, you know, murder, well, be an accomplice to murder.  I got angry with Gibson while sitting in the car and started punching the steering wheel cursing up a storm Pete, I was fucking angry.  I cursed taking the fucking job.  Then I look to the house again looking for Gibson but see the old man instead standing at the window looking right at me in my car.  Oh shit I say."
"Oh shit is right, so you got made."

I took the double shot of whiskey and slammed it back then let out a breath as the alcohol warmed my insides. My hands kept shaking as I tried to coherently form my thoughts but nervous fear kept taking over.  I took a sip of beer trying to calm myself and then continued.
"I wasn't entirely sure Pete because there was no way he could see that far without binoculars and in the dark.  I was in the shadow of a tree, there was no way he could see me.  I mean, he would have to have night vision or something.  But when I look back at the house again in the binoculars I see his yellow eyes staring back at me.  Then I freak."
"Oh fuck, what was he doing?"
"I dunno Pete, but it was creeping me out."
"So what happened to Gibson?"
"Right, well, I keep looking around for him but can't find the fucking guy. Then I start trying to figure out who made that loud ass scream because it couldn't have been the old man cuz he was standing at the damn window.  I figured there must have been someone else in the house we didn't expect.  I keep looking around and while I'm searching that old fucking man stays at the window and now he's smiling.  I could see his old rotting teeth and his wrinkly lips.  His hair was all unkempt and going every which way and he had a wicked hooked nose.  Then I noticed something I didn't notice before, on the ledge in front of him was a jar with some kind of meat thing floating in it.  He bent down to talk to it and I could see him mouth a question to the jar asking, 'what's his name?' and I keep staring and the old man lifts his head back up and points at me and mouths the name, 'Frank.'  Now I'm really fucking scared Pete.  How the hell does this old man figure out my name."
"You're giving me chills here Frank, that's some crazy ass shit."
"Yeah, I know, its get even weirder.  So, I wanted to get the fuck out of there  but I couldn't just leave Gibson, you know.  What if he needed my help or had left out another way and was about to meet me.  So I stayed a few more minutes then the old man leaves the window and grabs something from his drawer.  I couldn't quite make out what it was until he placed it on the window ledge.  It was an empty jar.  I looked at him and he pointed at me and mouthed the words, 'For You.'  That's when I got the fuck out of there, I mean I'm totally fuckin' creeped out by now and Gibson will have to find his own ride since things had gone bad anyway.  We were supposed to meet back at his place if we got separated but he never showed."
"So how do the cops get involved?"
"Well, about two days pass and his girlfriend says she gets a call from him telling her that he was in trouble and needed to find me.  And the dumb bitch calls the police, can you believe that.  Anyway, she doesn't tell them that he asked for me specifically but since they need to talk to people associated with Gibson they find me at my place.  I shorten up my story about seeing him at the drunken squirrel and that's it.  Nothing about the old man or the job.  But then something happens that gets me thinking that maybe Gibson never made that call or maybe someone made him do it."
"What happened Frank?"
"I leave my place for a few hours and when I come back, sitting on my table was a jar with a note attached to it that read, "for you."

We Should Have Never Gone Out That Night

"Oh come on, stop being so scared you little girl.  We didn't come all this way for you to chicken out," Toby said to me trying to get me to go in but I was scared, it was an old abandoned building that used to be a factory of some kind and it was supposedly haunted.  We had come here in the dead of night and the building looked even more menacing than what the stories described.
"I'm not chickening out...just you know, psyching myself up," but I was scared.  I don't know why I decided to play paranormal investigator maybe because I didn't have anything else to do that Saturday night but I regret it to this day.
"Come on Aaron, we'll just have a look around," Kevin said to me.  Kevin was alright, I liked Kevin but why did we have to hang out with Toby, he was an asshole and annoying.  I hated Toby, he always made my life a living hell and he was Kevin's friend, not mine.  At school he always embarrassed me in front of people and made me do his homework for him sometimes.  I had wished he would move away or worse that he would die in a car wreck or something.
"Yeah Aaron, you pussy.  Stop acting like a bitch and lets go or should I call your mom and tell her I'll be home soon to you know, haha," he cracked a high-pitched laugh amused with his own lame joke.  I hated how he laughed.
"Shut the hell up Toby."
"Stop being a prissy up tight girl.  Come on shithead, lets check this shit hole out," his fake bravery was starting to get under my skin.  He always had to cuss like doing so made him tough.
"Hey Kevin," I said turning on my flashlight, "do you think this place is haunted?"
"I dunno, I hope, would make for a good story huh."
I smiled and said, "screw that, I think I'd rather have a boring Saturday night."  He smiled back and said, "well, there's probably nothing here so it'll probably be boring as hell."
We slowly made our way over boulders and large logs to a door on the side of the building.  Most of the windows had been peppered with rocks and were broken.  There was a lot of debris from the building scattered outside on the ground it was a miracle the building hadn't fallen over on its own accord already.  We went through the door that was half hinged on and pointed our flashlights around the room.
"There's a lot of shit in here," Toby said in his most arrogant voice, "Whoa, look at this fucking thing," lifting an old rusted hacksaw. "You think that poor sap was murdered with this thing," he was referring to one of the many stories about this place.  The more popular one he was talking about was a group of friends that had come here doing the exact same thing we were decades ago that ended up chopping up one of their friends into pieces and burned them inside a barrel.
"I doubt it," I said, "you think the murder weapon would still be lying around?"
"Whatever, fuck you.  I'll use it on you and leave it here lying around fuck face, then it'll make the story true huh" I hated when he called me that.  He always called me that in front of girls at school too and I never had anything quick to say back.  It embarrassed me so much.
"Shut up Toby," Kevin said. "Do you hear that?" I moved my head trying to listen to the smallest of sounds.
"Yeah, what is that," I said.
"Sounds like scratching," Kevin replied.
"Where? I don't hear shit."
"Shut up Toby, just listen." Kevin said as we all stood silent for a few moments listening to the darkness.  My eyes began to wander around the dark room trying to find the source.  It sounded like it was coming from the far corner.
"Go look Aaron," Toby said.
"Yeah right, you go look."
"Fine chicken shit, I'll look."
Kevin and I stood silently pointing our flashlights to the corner as Toby made his way over the rubble and old furniture.  The scratching continued and Toby moved closer.  He started moving chairs and slid an old desk out of the way.
"Whoa!" he screamed.
"What! What is it?!" I said frightened.
"Its a big fucking rat! Ugh!"
Kevin and I started laughing but we were soon silenced when we heard three knocks coming from the other side of the wall behind us.  We all looked wide eyed at each other and nervously pointed our flashlights toward the wall.
"Tell me you heard that," Kevin said.
"Yeah I heard it," I said as my hands nervously trembled the flashlight making the batteries rattle against the plastic.
"I heard that shit, go check it out," Toby said to me.
"Ha..." I stood silently as I realized he was serious, "fuck that, you go check."
"We all go," Kevin said but I really didn't want to go at all.  We took a few moments and finally slowly made our way across the room around the empty doorway and into a long hallway that led to other office rooms.  We carefully made our way down the hallway and took some turns inside this maze like building.  We passed a couple of empty rooms that had absolutely nothing in them and didn't have any windows.  At the end of one of the corridors we reached a room that had desks and chairs piled on top of each other.  We peered in with our flashlights but saw and heard nothing.  We moved on and reach a stairwell that led downward into more hallways it looked like.  As we stood at the top of the stairs we contemplated going down.
"Damn, that's fucking spooky, hey fuck face, go check it out," I curled my face angrily at him.
"Fuck you man, stop pretending like you're not scared."
"Hey shithead, if I was..."
"Hey, shut up," Kevin interrupted.  We stood silently and heard soft knocking from the room we just passed with all the desks and chairs.  "There it is again," Kevin said with a bewildered look on his face.  Fear was starting to pile up on my mind and I was getting overwhelmed.
"I think I'm gonna go outside, this is starting to freak me out too much."
"Yeah, you go outside fuck face and I'll tell everyone how you're a..." right then Toby got interrupted by a deep growl coming from behind us from the bottom of the stairwell.  We turned slowly toward the stairs and pointed our flashlights into the darkness.  It was a sound very much like an animals and I thought to myself that it might be a wolf or a dog down there because it had a savageness to it.  Toby then slowly took some steps toward the stairs moving one foot in front of the other like he was walking on a thin layer of ice.  I couldn't see down the steps but as soon as Toby reached the edge and shined his light down he took a deep gasp and leaped backward running passed us.  Kevin and I looked at each other momentarily and followed suit.  As we were running back down the hallways I could hear footsteps behind us but I dared not look.  They didn't sound like an animals but more like a person's with two steps.  It wasn't a dog or a wolf behind us but a person chasing us.

As we continued to run with Toby ahead of us something from one of the empty rooms reached out and took him.  He let out a loud scream of pain and Kevin and I stopped in our tracks frozen in fear.  As we stood in the hallway briefly we could hear Toby wrestling around with something as he screamed for help.  We didn't know what to do. I turned to see if anything was still following us but nothing was there.  Then Toby flopped out of the door and onto the floor covered in blood and had deep scratches on his face.
"Help! Help me! Oh God! Help!" We just looked on in a panicked fear as something lurched out and grabbed his legs. I didn't see what grabbed him because instinctively I looked at his face and the amount of terror and pure horror in his eyes haunts me to this day.  He was suddenly thrashed powerfully from side to side crashing against the frame of the doorway over and over again letting out deep gargled moans of blood and pain.  Then he was pulled up the border of the door as he reached out for our help but I just stood there watching him get mauled.  I couldn't do anything nor did I want to, maybe if it was Kevin getting attacked I would have done something but with Toby, my body didn't react.  It began thrashing him from side to side again until finally pulling him into the room at a cartoonish speed.  That's when Kevin and I took our chance and sprinted passed the room.  I didn't look but Kevin took a quick glance.  We made it out but neither one of us could go back in for Toby.  We didn't know if he was dead or still alive but we finally decided to leave for help and tell the police that some kind of animal took Toby.

After they found Toby, a couple of days later the police asked me to come in for questioning.  They kept asking me who was it that took Toby and I kept telling them it was some kind of big animal that attacked him.  I saw the look on the detective's face and I knew they didn't believe me but what else could I say, I'm not even sure myself what happened.

I ran into Kevin a few days later at school and he was still mortified with a pale face.  I asked him if he had been in for questioning again and he said yes.
"Why are they questioning us again Kevin? Don't they believe us that some kind of animal did this?"
"I dunno what it was Aaron," he said staring blankly off into space.
"You saw it didn't you Kevin, what was it?"
"I didn't see anything Aaron."
"Then what else could it have been Kevin beside an animal."
"I dunno but they said an animal can't cut up a body into pieces and place it in a barrel and light it on fire."

There's Something in My Closet

The first time I saw it I was getting ready for work early in the morning.  I was putting my make up on and I saw it out of the corner of my eye, there in the reflection of the mirror, a figure lurking in the dark corner of my closet behind me.  My heart jumped and a brief cold shock of fear rolled up my skin.  It was very short and stood no taller than the bottom of the clothes hanging.  I turned around and whatever may have been there had vanished.  I was tired, it was early morning and my eyes have played tricks on me in the early dark a million times before but somehow in my bones this time felt a little different. I felt uneasy so just to calm my nerves I walked over to check the closet, moving the racks of clothes just to make sure there was nothing there.  Satisfied there wasn't some weird creature lurking behind me I finished getting ready and went to work.  However, all day I had a terrible dread floating with me as if something horrible were going to happen to me.

When I got home that same day there was nowhere to park in front of my apartment complex so I had to park in the alley.  As I pulled through and was passing the dumpster I saw it again, the dark figure, hidden in the shadows.  It was wedged in a corner between the dumpster and the fence it was leaning against.  It was hooded but I could see its dark black sparkling eyes piercing from underneath watching me.  Its boney grey fingers were hanging at its sides, limp and in my terror, I think I saw a wicked evil smile.  I parked in a stall in the parking lot and sat in my car for a few moments trying to fight off the fear I had growing under my skin.  I kept telling myself it couldn't possibly be real but just to make sure I was going to make a quick sprint to the door.  So I got all my things together with my shaky hands and finally mustered enough courage to get out of the car.  At first I slowly exited the car.  It was cold outside but at that moment couldn't feel anything beside my fear.  As I stepped out I was focused on the dumpster where I saw it lurking and backed away towards the complex door then hurried across the parking lot.  I delayed at the door as I searched for the correct key.  I could barely keep my hands from shaking and each moment that passed as I fumbled through my keys it felt as if the thing were getting closer.  I did not dare look back, I just focused on my keys.  Finally I made it inside and up to my apartment but still didn't feel safe when I got there.  I checked all the rooms and closets and although I found nothing it felt like something was there with me.  I stayed up for a while on constant guard huddle in my blanket on the couch twitching at every creak or strange noise.  I kept thinking how much I wish I had a dog right now.

As the night grew on I grew more tired and I was really tired from work.  My energy felt sapped and I fell into a deep sleep.  I had horrible nightmares that night of terrible creatures and strange tortures.  I woke up sweating, cold and damp with my hair sticking to my forehead and felt a pain in my stomach.  Confused and drowsy, I looked down and lifted the sheets and saw the creature crouched on top of me.  A piercing fear of horror and dread shook me to my core and my eyes bulged with cold terror as I looked at this monstrosity of nature.  It was not looking at me however as it was gnawing on something. I couldn't quite make out what was in its mouth in the darkness and then in a quick jerk of its head looked upon my eyes with its sparkling bead-like bulbous eyes.  Then I realized I wasn't sweating, it was blood all over me.  The creature was eating me!  I screamed at the top of my lungs but shock overtook me and only silent gasps of air escaped.  Its teeth clamped down onto my intestines as it pulled and yanked with its mouth all my flesh.  I finally pulled enough strength to punch and kick the creature and it leaped off of me and disappeared back into the closet.  I felt nauseous and lumbered over to the phone. I pressed nine, and I could feel my throat drying, then pressed one,  and as everything faded to black pressed the final one and as I lost consciousness the last thing I saw was its smile of pure satisfaction.

I woke up the next morning in a hospital bed in the worse pain I have ever felt.  They had me connected to machines with tubes and wires.  My abdomen was wrapped in bandages and everything felt very surreal. A nurse and doctor came into the room to check on me and I was asked what happened.  I was still feeling the effects of the pain killers but in my state I tried my best to tell my story and describe the creature.  Seeing the doctors face I knew no one believed me.  I closed my eyes and they left the room.  I opened them and grabbed the clipboard they left.  I could barely focus on the letters but it read: "Patient treated for major traumatic lacerations to the abdominal region.  Blood and tissue found under the patients nails and inside mouth indicate wounds to be self inflicted."

The People You Think You Know

This happened almost two decades ago and after what happened when I was seven, my mom still has trouble not knowing where I am or who I'm with.  My mother like all mothers I'm sure, told me never talk to strangers.  It was a rule I always followed but there is some gray area in there.  It was just me and my mom while growing up, we lived in a decent neighborhood that had other kids my age and families like ours.  My mom worked very hard to get the things I needed and occasionally the things I wanted.  We relied on each other to make sure the simple things got done and when I was seven, on some days I started getting home from school before my mom got off work so she got me a key to the front door to let myself in.  We had a small house with a small front yard but when you're a kid the world looks a bit different and larger.  I wouldn't know the difference between a nice house and our home, to me it was just home and it was the next best thing to a mansion.  It was our sanctuary where I felt safe and no harm could come in.  I had a room to myself and a bed with star wars bed sheets.  In my mind, I had all the space in the world for my toys which were all strewn about and being seven, the difference between my tiny room and more space never entered my mind.  I had a whole room to myself and at that age never thought how peculiar it was for me to see Aunt Margaret in my room waiting for me on days I would get home before my mom. She would always be standing in the corner behind the door as I walked in.

It wasn't until later in life that I realized how strange that was and how I never questioned it. I would talk with her usually to tell her about toys I wanted that I saw on television.  She would always say to me, "I'll keep that in mind, your birthday is coming up," even if my birthday was still months away.  I would make lists sometimes and show it to her. She seemed to like to hear what I wanted.  I always only spoke with her briefly before she would leave the house.

One day at school while at recess, she came up to me while I was in the playground from the other side of the fence.  She yelled for me a couple of times before she got my attention, "Anthony...Anthony, over here, hey, I got you your birthday present early.  Come with me and we'll go get it."  I was hesitant to go because I was at school and knew I wasn't allowed to leave but it was Aunt Margaret and her being an adult probably had permission to take me out of school.  I was about to go with her when the bell rang to come back inside and I decided that I shouldn't go and probably wait for my birthday present instead.  So I told her I would wait.  She got angry and told me to come with her right now or she would tell my mother how I didn't listen to her.  I hated making my mom upset but the anxiety of seeing everyone else run inside over took me and I just ran back inside.  I never figured out why she tried to pull me out of school and couldn't just wait till I got home.

Later that day, as I was getting off the school bus I saw my mom sitting on the front step of the house with a gift wrapped present in her lap.  Immediately I thought to myself that Aunt Margaret had left my birthday present but probably told my mom how I didn't listen to her.  I felt the dread of facing my mom upset crawl over my skin.  I hated being in trouble so I dragged my feet as I walked toward my mom.  Apparently my mom was excited to tell me that she wouldn't have to work long hours anymore and would be home before me from now but at that moment was more concerned with the box.  "Anthony," she said, "do you know where this came from?"  referring to the present.
"I dunno," I said as I looked at the ground.
"It had just this note attached to it that says 'To Anthony."  I looked up with a bit of excitement to get a present and told her it was probably from Aunt Margaret.  She looked at me very quizzically and asked, "Who?"  I replied, "You know, Aunt Margaret, she was gonna take me today from school to give me my present but probably dropped it off instead."
My mother's eyes widened with fear and disbelief and said, "baby, I don't know what you're talking about, you don't have an Aunt Margaret."  I just looked at her very confused, "no, I was talking with her, she visits me sometimes when you're at work."
My mom's fear grew into her face as she tried explaining to me that I didn't have an Aunt Margaret and how she only had four older brothers. I tried understanding everything she was telling me but being seven I couldn't quite comprehend who Aunt Margaret wasn't.  My mother tried figuring out where I got the idea that this mysterious lady was my aunt but came up fruitless when I couldn't remember any details about the first time I saw her.  I guess seeing her in my room never had me question the legitimacy of it all.  Inside the gift wrapped box was a Gameboy and on the back written in dark black marker said "Johnson."

It wasn't until a few days later that it all came crashing down on me.  I was in the living room watching television when I started yelling for my mom, "Mom! Mom! Its Aunt Margaret!"  my mom ran into the living room with a knife in her hand and wide eyes.  "See mom, there she is," as I pointed to the television, "she's famous, look, she's on t.v."  My mom looked at the screen and started crying and fell to her knees as she clutched me.  I didn't understand what I was seeing on television, I just remember seeing the lady's face and reading the headline, "Breaking News:  Killer Captured in Johnson Family Murder."

A Family Secret: My Uncle Charlie

Last summer, I attended my family reunion.  One of my more privileged aunts was having us stay in her huge house over the weekend.  My family doesn't really get along all that much so having this was a momentous occasion for us.  I'm 30 and I don't ever remember having any kind of family gathering or barbecues.  My mom doesn't like socializing with her sisters but does well with her brothers.  For years, there was a distance within the family that I never understood when I was growing up; figured it was just how my family was.  What I thought was resentment toward one another was actually an avoidance of an issue.  Not until this last summer, I was completely oblivious to the fact that I had an uncle named Charlie that had been murdered when he was 12.  Apparently, my mom's family never quite came to terms with that and blamed one another for his death for decades.

Maybe it was the dry heat of the summer night that made my uncle do it or perhaps it was the mundane conversations we were all having but as we were sitting around the dinner table my Uncle James decided to bring up Charlie.  "I know I'm probably the least liked from our brothers but I'm glad we're all here again...together."  He took a moment to himself before continuing, "I miss Charlie though. There isn't a day that goes by I don't and having us all here again just reminds me of him."

His eyes swelled up just a bit and at that moment, the room fell deathly silent and a collective morbid anxiety swept through everyone. I had no idea who Charlie was or why everyone took a slightly shocked look when he was mentioned.  I felt the anxiety too even though I didn't understand the situation.  I decided to ask who Charlie was as to alleviate the tension, and in the midst of the uncomfortable silence I sliced the silent air with, "So who's Charlie?" My uncle looked at me with endearing eyes and replied, "he's your uncle, Timothy and he would be fours younger than..." and he suddenly got interrupted by my Aunt Elizabeth's  burst of tears as she said in a shaky voice, "that's enough, I don't want to talk about Charlie, we've all been down that road and have squandered years and years of blame on it.  I don't want the evening ruined by that same blaming game we've done for so many years."  Awkwardness rushed over everyone and you could hear the subtle ambiance of the room settle as we all avoided eye contact.

It wasn't until later that night when we had all gone to our small social circles that my uncle James came up to me and asked if I still wanted to know more about Charlie.  I was obviously very curious but having seen my aunt burst into tears earlier at dinner made me apprehensive to say yes.  I didn't really know what to say but before I could answer yes or no he started to tell me how Charlie had been murdered behind my grandma's house.  I became instantly intrigued by this family secret as soon as he said murder.  I had no idea about Charlie or his death and didn't know if I should continue but the reunion was becoming so boringly mundane that I had jumped at this opportunity to actually hear an interesting story.

He started by describing my grandma's house.  I had never seen it since they had apparently moved away soon after Charlie's death.  It was a white two story house that had a front porch and a gravel driveway.  In the back, was a large yard that ended at a line of trees which led to a small forested area.  He said beyond the backyard deep in that wooded area was a small shack where they had found Charlie.  By this point in the story, we had furthered ourselves from the rest of the family as he continued so no one would hear us.

He continued the tale with every word seemingly relieving pressure from his soul.  He said they found Charlie hung up upside down inside the shack gutted and chopped into pieces.  He was missing both his arms and one of his legs.  The top half of his head was also missing.  They later identified his body with dental records since his lower jaw was still attached to his body.  My grandpa was the one who found him when they went searching. My grandpa had became an alcoholic after this and died therein choking on his vomit as he sat in his car passed out and I understand now the reason for it.

My uncle had captured my morbid curiosity. I was completely engrossed with the story and somehow, since I didn't actually know Charlie, the tale didn't feel quite real to me and just sounded like a good scary story.  Little did I know how real my fear would be or how much pain that cold shiver of horror would be that ran up my spine after I read the letter.

They never found out who did it.  To this day its still a mystery to the family but the weirdest part my uncle said was the letter they found in the front mailbox by the road weeks later typed as if Charlie had written it.  They don't know who sent it or where it came from it was simply signed "Sincerely, Joseph."  The Police analyzed it but it was a dead end.  The killer had taken some special care as to not leave any clues behind on that letter.  I don't know how but my uncle had a copy of the letter that he gave to me.  Upon grabbing it he held it for a second, clutching it and as I looked at his face I realized he blamed himself for Charlie's death.  His eyes began to tear up and he confessed to me that on that particular day he had told Charlie to go play with what he thought was an imaginary friend named Joseph because he was too busy reading comics.  The whole family knew of Joseph but all thought he was some imaginary friend.  They never found out who Joseph was.

"Hi mom,
You remember my best friend named Joseph right?  We used to play in the woods together.  Playing together makes the cold days go by a little easier and Joseph's the greatest. He's so cool and always knows the right things to say.  I was a tender fat little kid and Joseph showed me that I didn't need any other friends beside him.  I used to always want to play 'war' using sticks for guns but Joseph never wanted to play that, said that was a kids game and he was too old to play that.  He always wanted to hang around that shed deep in the woods.  No one else knew where it was beside us.  I never went in it because Joseph didn't let me. 


One autumn day though, Joseph decided it was time for him to share his secrets with me but to do that we needed to become blood brothers.  At first I was scared because I didn't know what it meant or how to do it but he explained it to me.  He always knew everything.  We had to cut our hands and let the blood exchange as we put pressure on it by clasping them together.  I didn't like the idea of hurting myself but the blood didn't bother me.  So we did it.


Joseph felt like now he could show me his secrets.  I was thrilled because now I was Joseph's blood brother and I was allowed to enter the shed and learn his secrets.  We walked deep into the woods, crunching on the leaves with our foot steps as we delved further into the orange autumn day of the woods.  I was excited to see what secrets he would show me.


When we got to the shed Joseph had to unlock a huge heavy lock he kept on the door.  The door was heavy and creaked a lot when he opened it.  The shed was really dark.  Joseph turned on a gas lamp he kept inside and as my eyes adjusted I could see blood smeared on the wooden walls.  There were jars with tinted yellow liquid and body parts in them resting on the shelves.  Heavy hooks were hanging from the ceiling and on the work table there were fingers separated from hands.  The far wall had pieces of arms and legs nailed to it.


I felt lucky to be seeing this.  I asked Joseph what was in the small jars with the body parts and he said vinegar.  He was soaking the meat in vinegar for flavor and tenderness he said.  I looked around curiously and felt proud of myself to be here with Joseph.  I considered this a great privilege.  I was Joseph's blood brother and I did whatever he wanted.  


Once he started gutting me at my neck to my belly I felt as if I had been released and given freedom.  He thrust the knife into my neck at a perfect downward 45 degree angle and sliced down my belly.  He then hung me upside down on one those heavy hooks hanging from the ceiling to bleed me out. Then started scraping a thin layer of my skin off to remove most of the small hair and boiled my head to soften the hard tufts of hair on my scalp so he could cut it off easier.


I bled out quickly for Joseph and didn't give him any sour meat.  He removed my internal organs, my fat and my head.  He cut off my head first to allow any residual blood to drain.  He first made a cut all the way across the back of my neck, right at the backbone's initial joint.  Then he severed my windpipe so that my head could drop forward for easy removal.  He continued cutting around my ears, to my eyes, and to my jawbone, he cut me like that so my head could come free but leave my jowls on my body.


Next he stuck his knife deep into my front neck wound with its point against my backbone and cut upward, using the blade to split my breastbone and divide the rib cage.  He opened me up and cut through the wall of my belly letting my innards fall forward.  They were still attached however by muscle and stomach lining.  He cut it away and started to cut into my lean meat and fat.  The best parts of me.  I was looking very delicious for Joseph.  I had plenty of good tender meat on my fat little body and I did not disappoint.


He cut me into pieces and slices of prime cut and wrapped them all in butcher paper.  After he finished collecting his meat, Joseph locked up his shed and went back to his van and headed to his apartment where he put me in a pan with potatoes, carrots, chicken broth and other vegetables. He used the tougher cuts of my meat and slow cooked it over low heat.  The lower heat melts the tough connections between muscle fibers leaving him with tender meat that flaked at his fork.  I was every bit delicious as Joseph had hoped.  He prepared me as a dinner for royalty, I felt so honored.  He ate me on his best dinner plate under a candle lit table and had a glass of '87 pinot noir.  After he finished eating me he saved the rest for the week. Joseph ate extravagantly for a few weeks with the meat I provided. He left the rest of my body for the family.
Sincerely, Joseph."

Journal Entries I Found On A Bus

I found some pages from a journal in a shoebox on a bus somewhere between Salt Lake City, Utah and Seattle, Washington. I was asleep and when I woke up it was in my lap.

Monday, 12th

This ratty hotel I'm in doesn't quite calm the senses or make me feel comfortable. It smells like cigarettes in here and the heater makes an annoying whistling noise. I closed the curtains because they sometimes stand outside the windows for hours watching me with their huge black pupils and pointy noses. I wish they would leave me alone.  I guess I have no choice anymore. Tomorrow I'll check out of this shit hole and drive west, I gotta keep moving.

Tuesday, 13th
I stopped at some truck stop for some gas sometime around midnight and under the dim glow of the florescent bulbs by the side of the building, I saw one peaking out from the edge staring at me.  It's long crabby fingers wrapping around the corner as its bulbous black eyeballs pierced straight into mine.  They're real, I've learned that the hard way.

I remember when I first saw them and the terror of that realization.  My life since has been one long nomadic futile journey into madness.  I've come to learn there are things in this world that exist beyond the senses, horrible evil things that have no sense of humanity and no set of morals; only seek satisfaction in our dread and they found me long ago. Our minds, for reasons unknown to us only uses a portion of its own potential perhaps having set its own boundaries inside this reality conceivably to save us from our own madness and insanity. 

I just know when I see them, I can't sleep for days.  The image of their horrific faces haunts my every waking second and when I close my eyes, they only get worse.  I've been on the road for so long I can't even remember the last time I have not slept in a hotel or on a park bench or in some grassy field inside my car on the side of the road.  I've gone far too long without real rest but I'm too scared to sleep. I see them in the reflections on windows sometimes too, standing behind me.  Sometimes when I'm in some hotel room I see them through the cracks in the curtains at night peeking with their huge bulging eyes.  I'm having trouble keeping a coherent thought in my mind from my exhaustion and I fear my mind must be venturing into madness because I can barely distinguish between dream and reality.   They feel like the same thing.  

Wednesday, 14th

I woke up parked on the side of the road with a man shining a light through my window into my face.  He called me "sir" and asked for my ID.  He told me to move along and soon enough I did.  I drove my car west.

I stopped at a McDonald's and ate some chicken nuggets.  I shoved them down my mouth as fast as I could while dumping out the few belongings I had in a shoebox on the table and spreading them out in front of me.  I had a few photographs, some buttons, a buffalo nickel, a postcard with a sunset against a sandy beach and this journal.  "What a lovely girl, is that your daughter?" some old woman walking by asked me noticing my photographs.  "Yes,"I replied. "Where is the little girl?" "She lives in New York with her mother.  I haven't seen her in some time."

Thursday, 15th
I had to stop at another dingy hotel.  This one is worse than the last.  The bathtub has dark yellow stains and the heater doesn't work.  The front window lets in the neon glow of the front sign but I have no choice I had to stop somewhere and rest because I was falling asleep behind the wheel.  I think I may be losing my control on my own mind. While driving here I saw one of them in the middle of the road. I nearly wrecked my car trying to avoid it but there was nothing there when I looked back.  They're playing with my mind.  

I fear my damnation is not secluded to me, for we will all be forced to bargain for our sanity in the face of wicked evil things.

I was at a random gas station in the middle of nowhere off the interstate when I saw one of them again standing in the shadow of the ice machine.  They look just like us sometimes and other times they like to be horrific.  But this time, one of them wanted to talk to me and he told me all our souls were all damned and belonged to them.  The inevitable truth of our horrid lives were going to be thrust upon us and we all would have to face our damnation.  I asked him why they chose me to haunt and he told me that I could get rid of them but there was only one way to do it, I don't think I can bring myself to but I've been gone for so long and my strength isn't what it once was.  I feel my humanity slowly being stripped away.

I keep myself awake for as long as I can because they can creep into your subconscious where they play with your perception and fears as huge bulking masses with beating wings from hell and glowing eyes.  They seem to like to prey on us there but I have seen them while awake as evil faceless things of flesh and muscle crawling on the walls and hiding in the shadows of daytime. They'll sometimes reach out from the darkness with their long terrifying arms grasping at your life. They are everywhere and most of us don't ever see them but they are unavoidable for our souls already belong to them. I have seen so many.

It's dark now and I'm drifting to sleep but I gotta stay awake for as long as I can.

Friday, 16th

I just woke up and my things were moved into a strange arrangement on the floor.  In the bathroom the hot water in the sink was running and a symbol was drawn in the steamy mirror.  I don't know what it means.  I think I'm running out of time, my strength is faltering.  They are playing with my reality now.  I have to keep moving.

Sunday, 18th
I saw a man today that I didn't know and I had thoughts of killing him.  I don't know why but a burning hatred I couldn't get rid of kept festering in my mind.  I followed him to his car in the back of the diner where we were eating at holding a dinner knife.  I crept up behind him raising my hand staring at the back of his neck with a blood lustful urge to shove the knife into his back.  He turned around and I snapped out of it.  I apologized and he just looked at me weird and I left.  They are getting the best of me I fear.

Wednesday, 21st

My car finally broke down.  I had to walk to the nearest town where I bought a bus ticket.  I'm not even sure where I'm going I just have to keep moving. Its cold here in this small town and the trees don't have much color to them.  The town has a dull grayness to it and shadows that stretch across the streets like long spider legs cast from the empty tree branches.  No one walks the streets and traffic is nonexistent.  Even though I don't see them here,  I can feel their bulging black eyeballs fixed on me.  I now know why we get goosebumps in moments of dread, its them reaching under our skin and toying with our minds.   

While waiting for my bus, I ate at a small mom and pop joint. I got eggs and bacon with toast.  I pulled out my shoebox again and took out my photographs and carefully aligned them in front of me on the table.  "It's getting warmer, where ya headed? Somewhere warm I hope," an elderly man said to me.  "I'm headed west, not sure where.  I guess I'll know when I get there," I replied.  "You don't know where you're going son?"  He gummed his lips while rubbing his wrinkly chin and let out a breath as if understanding. "I guess we all have to make our own paths."

Saturday, 24th

I had a dream last night of a giant spider living on the ceiling above me.  Dripping slime from its front claw-like mouth.  The terrifying part is that my dreams feel real.  I distinguish nothing between my reality and my dreams anymore.  The horror is all the same to me and they feed off it.  The world seems like a blur to me with hidden hells in the shadows.  I avoid the shadows.  Their crabby pointy fingers reach out from the shadows when you're not looking and pierce the temples of our heads, slowly pushing passed the skin and digging into your dreams.  The world is infested with these things and we don't even know it. I feel sad for all these pathetic souls.  I wish they knew just like I do.  Poor bastards.  They'll learn, they'll see.

When I woke up from my dream I was in this bus headed west I think.  My memories are starting to feel like dreams and my reality is fading from me.  I see them everywhere now with their bulging white teethed grin and black eyes.  I know no one else sees them but they're there.  I'm not even sure if I'm awake right now.  I find solace in the scene outside my bus window though, of beautiful mountains in the distance as trees sweep pass or is this a dream? 

Tuesday, 27th

I'm in Salt Lake City I think.  I have a faint recollection of seeing a sign or was that a dream?  I don't know anymore.  I bought a ticket for somewhere in Idaho.  I'm running out of money.   I don't know why I keep running, perhaps it keeps my illusion of sanity intact just enough for me to hope I have salvation.  

Wednesday, 28th
I'm too exhausted, I can't tell what's real anymore.  All my humanity has been stripped, I woke up from a dream state chewing on a dead cat in an alley.  Or was that the dream?  I can't even tell.  I could taste the blood on my tongue and feel the hair in between my teeth.  I'm not even sure if I'm crying right now out of shame or madness because I'm smiling all the same.

Thursday, 29th

I'm a shell of a man.  I've come to learn in my damnation that their lies were the only truths I realized and for that know my past is gone from me.  I opened my shoebox again and pulled out some photographs but I don't recognize the faces.  I keep telling myself its my daughter but I don't have a daughter and I was never married.  I don't know who these people are.

Friday, 30th
If there is a God, I hope he hears my plea for salvation but with all the world's horror I don't think he cares so much.  I can no longer run anymore.  I saw someone on the bus, he's sleeping right now but when he wakes, they will follow him now.  I am not proud of myself but they have stripped all my humanity.  For my soul is damned and I am ready to face my torture.

I Think My Apartment May Be Haunted

So I go out of town for work sometimes and I'll be gone usually for a week on these trips.  I just recently got back from a trip and my boss gave me a three day weekend to recharge my batteries.  When I got back, I found some of my old photo albums in the overheard shelf in my closet had fallen spilling old pictures out on the ground.  I figured I must have just stacked too much crap in the closet and it just finally fell over but I picked up one of the albums and went through some of the pages and noticed that some of the pictures were missing.  I didn't really have an answer why they were missing, perhaps my mom had took some without me knowing.

With my three day weekend that my boss gave me, I used Saturday and Sunday to get most of my errands done so I could have Monday all to myself.  Both days I came back to picture frames on my walls fallen to the ground.  A few had broken but most were intact.  I thought it was weird that so many had fallen, so I just rehung them up.  I also noticed the photo albums from the closet were on the ground again with pictures scattered about.

Finally on Monday I got up a littler later than usual and took a shower. In my living room I have a full length mirror to the right side of my couch on the wall.  I was relaxing on the couch going through some things in my purse when out of the corner of my eye I saw what looked like someone walk pass in the reflection of the mirror.  I got startled and turned immediately and naturally didn't see anyone.  My heart had jumped a beat and it still felt like someone was in the room with me.  I got up and headed toward the mirror to investigate. As I moved the angle in the mirror changed and I could see more of the room and saw a  quick glimpse of a man in the reflection turned away standing in the middle of my living room.  I immediately turned toward where the man should be but there was no one.  I turned back to the mirror and he was gone. I felt like my mind was playing tricks on me.  It was so brief that I didn't really know if I saw what I thought I saw but I was really freaked out and had to leave my apartment for a while.

I went shopping and when I came back I saw my landlord at the outside front door. We exchanged pleasantries and he said he had something for me.  He also lived in the complex so I went to his apartment on the main floor and waited at the door.  He handed me a small stack of pictures.  He asked if I knew my neighbor in room 308 and I said no, I had only lived in the apartment for a few months and never really got to know anyone.  He said he had found those pictures in my neighbor's apartment after he died.  I asked him when it was he died and he said just last week. I explained I was gone on my work trip that week and that was why I wasn't aware. Then I turned the pictures over and realized they were pictures of me, the ones missing from my photo albums.  I felt a shudder of fear run up my spine.  I asked how my neighbor had gotten these and my landlord didn't have an answer.  I asked him how he died and he said that my neighbor had been an alcoholic and had choked on his vomit in his sleep.  That was a sad way to go but then I asked him where exactly he found these pictures and he said they were in his bedroom next to his bed.  That fear in my spine from earlier grew to a thousand fingers all writhing around under my skin in that moment.