Monday, 12th
This ratty hotel I'm in doesn't quite calm the senses or make me feel comfortable. It smells like cigarettes in here and the heater makes an annoying whistling noise. I closed the curtains because they sometimes stand outside the windows for hours watching me with their huge black pupils and pointy noses. I wish they would leave me alone. I guess I have no choice anymore. Tomorrow I'll check out of this shit hole and drive west, I gotta keep moving.
Tuesday, 13th
I stopped at some truck stop for some gas sometime around midnight and under the dim glow of the florescent bulbs by the side of the building, I saw one peaking out from the edge staring at me. It's long crabby fingers wrapping around the corner as its bulbous black eyeballs pierced straight into mine. They're real, I've learned that the hard way.
I remember when I first saw them and the terror of that realization. My life since has been one long nomadic futile journey into madness. I've come to learn there are things in this world that exist beyond the senses, horrible evil things that have no sense of humanity and no set of morals; only seek satisfaction in our dread and they found me long ago. Our minds, for reasons unknown to us only uses a portion of its own potential perhaps having set its own boundaries inside this reality conceivably to save us from our own madness and insanity.
I stopped at some truck stop for some gas sometime around midnight and under the dim glow of the florescent bulbs by the side of the building, I saw one peaking out from the edge staring at me. It's long crabby fingers wrapping around the corner as its bulbous black eyeballs pierced straight into mine. They're real, I've learned that the hard way.
I remember when I first saw them and the terror of that realization. My life since has been one long nomadic futile journey into madness. I've come to learn there are things in this world that exist beyond the senses, horrible evil things that have no sense of humanity and no set of morals; only seek satisfaction in our dread and they found me long ago. Our minds, for reasons unknown to us only uses a portion of its own potential perhaps having set its own boundaries inside this reality conceivably to save us from our own madness and insanity.
I just know when I see them, I can't sleep for days. The image of their horrific faces haunts my every waking second and when I close my eyes, they only get worse. I've been on the road for so long I can't even remember the last time I have not slept in a hotel or on a park bench or in some grassy field inside my car on the side of the road. I've gone far too long without real rest but I'm too scared to sleep. I see them in the reflections on windows sometimes too, standing behind me. Sometimes when I'm in some hotel room I see them through the cracks in the curtains at night peeking with their huge bulging eyes. I'm having trouble keeping a coherent thought in my mind from my exhaustion and I fear my mind must be venturing into madness because I can barely distinguish between dream and reality. They feel like the same thing.
Wednesday, 14th
I woke up parked on the side of the road with a man shining a light through my window into my face. He called me "sir" and asked for my ID. He told me to move along and soon enough I did. I drove my car west.
I stopped at a McDonald's and ate some chicken nuggets. I shoved them down my mouth as fast as I could while dumping out the few belongings I had in a shoebox on the table and spreading them out in front of me. I had a few photographs, some buttons, a buffalo nickel, a postcard with a sunset against a sandy beach and this journal. "What a lovely girl, is that your daughter?" some old woman walking by asked me noticing my photographs. "Yes,"I replied. "Where is the little girl?" "She lives in New York with her mother. I haven't seen her in some time."
Thursday, 15th
I had to stop at another dingy hotel. This one is worse than the last. The bathtub has dark yellow stains and the heater doesn't work. The front window lets in the neon glow of the front sign but I have no choice I had to stop somewhere and rest because I was falling asleep behind the wheel. I think I may be losing my control on my own mind. While driving here I saw one of them in the middle of the road. I nearly wrecked my car trying to avoid it but there was nothing there when I looked back. They're playing with my mind.
I stopped at a McDonald's and ate some chicken nuggets. I shoved them down my mouth as fast as I could while dumping out the few belongings I had in a shoebox on the table and spreading them out in front of me. I had a few photographs, some buttons, a buffalo nickel, a postcard with a sunset against a sandy beach and this journal. "What a lovely girl, is that your daughter?" some old woman walking by asked me noticing my photographs. "Yes,"I replied. "Where is the little girl?" "She lives in New York with her mother. I haven't seen her in some time."
Thursday, 15th
I had to stop at another dingy hotel. This one is worse than the last. The bathtub has dark yellow stains and the heater doesn't work. The front window lets in the neon glow of the front sign but I have no choice I had to stop somewhere and rest because I was falling asleep behind the wheel. I think I may be losing my control on my own mind. While driving here I saw one of them in the middle of the road. I nearly wrecked my car trying to avoid it but there was nothing there when I looked back. They're playing with my mind.
I fear my damnation is not secluded to me, for we will all be forced to bargain for our sanity in the face of wicked evil things.
I was at a random gas station in the middle of nowhere off the interstate when I saw one of them again standing in the shadow of the ice machine. They look just like us sometimes and other times they like to be horrific. But this time, one of them wanted to talk to me and he told me all our souls were all damned and belonged to them. The inevitable truth of our horrid lives were going to be thrust upon us and we all would have to face our damnation. I asked him why they chose me to haunt and he told me that I could get rid of them but there was only one way to do it, I don't think I can bring myself to but I've been gone for so long and my strength isn't what it once was. I feel my humanity slowly being stripped away.
I keep myself awake for as long as I can because they can creep into your subconscious where they play with your perception and fears as huge bulking masses with beating wings from hell and glowing eyes. They seem to like to prey on us there but I have seen them while awake as evil faceless things of flesh and muscle crawling on the walls and hiding in the shadows of daytime. They'll sometimes reach out from the darkness with their long terrifying arms grasping at your life. They are everywhere and most of us don't ever see them but they are unavoidable for our souls already belong to them. I have seen so many.
It's dark now and I'm drifting to sleep but I gotta stay awake for as long as I can.
I was at a random gas station in the middle of nowhere off the interstate when I saw one of them again standing in the shadow of the ice machine. They look just like us sometimes and other times they like to be horrific. But this time, one of them wanted to talk to me and he told me all our souls were all damned and belonged to them. The inevitable truth of our horrid lives were going to be thrust upon us and we all would have to face our damnation. I asked him why they chose me to haunt and he told me that I could get rid of them but there was only one way to do it, I don't think I can bring myself to but I've been gone for so long and my strength isn't what it once was. I feel my humanity slowly being stripped away.
I keep myself awake for as long as I can because they can creep into your subconscious where they play with your perception and fears as huge bulking masses with beating wings from hell and glowing eyes. They seem to like to prey on us there but I have seen them while awake as evil faceless things of flesh and muscle crawling on the walls and hiding in the shadows of daytime. They'll sometimes reach out from the darkness with their long terrifying arms grasping at your life. They are everywhere and most of us don't ever see them but they are unavoidable for our souls already belong to them. I have seen so many.
It's dark now and I'm drifting to sleep but I gotta stay awake for as long as I can.
Friday, 16th
I just woke up and my things were moved into a strange arrangement on the floor. In the bathroom the hot water in the sink was running and a symbol was drawn in the steamy mirror. I don't know what it means. I think I'm running out of time, my strength is faltering. They are playing with my reality now. I have to keep moving.
Sunday, 18th
I saw a man today that I didn't know and I had thoughts of killing him. I don't know why but a burning hatred I couldn't get rid of kept festering in my mind. I followed him to his car in the back of the diner where we were eating at holding a dinner knife. I crept up behind him raising my hand staring at the back of his neck with a blood lustful urge to shove the knife into his back. He turned around and I snapped out of it. I apologized and he just looked at me weird and I left. They are getting the best of me I fear.
Wednesday, 21st
My car finally broke down. I had to walk to the nearest town where I bought a bus ticket. I'm not even sure where I'm going I just have to keep moving. Its cold here in this small town and the trees don't have much color to them. The town has a dull grayness to it and shadows that stretch across the streets like long spider legs cast from the empty tree branches. No one walks the streets and traffic is nonexistent. Even though I don't see them here, I can feel their bulging black eyeballs fixed on me. I now know why we get goosebumps in moments of dread, its them reaching under our skin and toying with our minds.
While waiting for my bus, I ate at a small mom and pop joint. I got eggs and bacon with toast. I pulled out my shoebox again and took out my photographs and carefully aligned them in front of me on the table. "It's getting warmer, where ya headed? Somewhere warm I hope," an elderly man said to me. "I'm headed west, not sure where. I guess I'll know when I get there," I replied. "You don't know where you're going son?" He gummed his lips while rubbing his wrinkly chin and let out a breath as if understanding. "I guess we all have to make our own paths."
Saturday, 24th
I had a dream last night of a giant spider living on the ceiling above me. Dripping slime from its front claw-like mouth. The terrifying part is that my dreams feel real. I distinguish nothing between my reality and my dreams anymore. The horror is all the same to me and they feed off it. The world seems like a blur to me with hidden hells in the shadows. I avoid the shadows. Their crabby pointy fingers reach out from the shadows when you're not looking and pierce the temples of our heads, slowly pushing passed the skin and digging into your dreams. The world is infested with these things and we don't even know it. I feel sad for all these pathetic souls. I wish they knew just like I do. Poor bastards. They'll learn, they'll see.
When I woke up from my dream I was in this bus headed west I think. My memories are starting to feel like dreams and my reality is fading from me. I see them everywhere now with their bulging white teethed grin and black eyes. I know no one else sees them but they're there. I'm not even sure if I'm awake right now. I find solace in the scene outside my bus window though, of beautiful mountains in the distance as trees sweep pass or is this a dream?
Tuesday, 27th
I'm in Salt Lake City I think. I have a faint recollection of seeing a sign or was that a dream? I don't know anymore. I bought a ticket for somewhere in Idaho. I'm running out of money. I don't know why I keep running, perhaps it keeps my illusion of sanity intact just enough for me to hope I have salvation.
Wednesday, 28th
I'm too exhausted, I can't tell what's real anymore. All my humanity has been stripped, I woke up from a dream state chewing on a dead cat in an alley. Or was that the dream? I can't even tell. I could taste the blood on my tongue and feel the hair in between my teeth. I'm not even sure if I'm crying right now out of shame or madness because I'm smiling all the same.
Thursday, 29th
I'm too exhausted, I can't tell what's real anymore. All my humanity has been stripped, I woke up from a dream state chewing on a dead cat in an alley. Or was that the dream? I can't even tell. I could taste the blood on my tongue and feel the hair in between my teeth. I'm not even sure if I'm crying right now out of shame or madness because I'm smiling all the same.
Thursday, 29th
I'm a shell of a man. I've come to learn in my damnation that their lies were the only truths I realized and for that know my past is gone from me. I opened my shoebox again and pulled out some photographs but I don't recognize the faces. I keep telling myself its my daughter but I don't have a daughter and I was never married. I don't know who these people are.
Friday, 30th
If there is a God, I hope he hears my plea for salvation but with all the world's horror I don't think he cares so much. I can no longer run anymore. I saw someone on the bus, he's sleeping right now but when he wakes, they will follow him now. I am not proud of myself but they have stripped all my humanity. For my soul is damned and I am ready to face my torture.
Friday, 30th
If there is a God, I hope he hears my plea for salvation but with all the world's horror I don't think he cares so much. I can no longer run anymore. I saw someone on the bus, he's sleeping right now but when he wakes, they will follow him now. I am not proud of myself but they have stripped all my humanity. For my soul is damned and I am ready to face my torture.
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